'Oh no, Mr Squirrel!' or talking to yourself on rides

My calm-down-tune is "Singing in the rain" - if I find it very therapeutic if the traffic is oppressive.  Similarly, when the sun's out and you're bowling along - nothing better.

Lots of "Hello, horse".  Cows for some reason get "Ey up, beasts".

I will resist the $ thing.  I know I'd doomed the next time I conscously see one though.

For no reason whatsoever I had 'I can't go back to savoury now' by John Shuttleworth going round my head on yesterday afternoon's commute.

Bizarre.

The biggest non-human hazard on my commute - usually Herdwick sheep, ambling out of the way with all the time in the world. A loud 'come on then!' usually does the trick eventually.

I was going round Dalmeny Estate this morning in the north west of Edinburgh and it was dark so, naturally, I ended up started singing (in my head) Dalmey in the Dark to the tune of Springsteen's Dancing in the Dark. 

The only noise I made in the hour or so that I was out was a pretend gun noise to get a nye of pheasants (yes, I did have to google what a group of pheasants is called) to move out of the way. Daft buggers. 

Finally, this thread has been saved by our resident Road.cc 'Spokesman for squirrel related information' .

Thanks for resurrecting this thread - I can't believe I hadn't commented on it before now.

I usually just say to myself "who's eating this avocado?"

I have found myself, when encountering those large, glossy black birds, to semi sing, "To orangey for crows..."

Just switched to my winter 'green lane' commuting route.  Normally loads of lazy pheasants running in front of the bike with me shouting, "Take-off!"

Bonjour Mr Cow

or "boeuf" - but oddly, this only gets uttered when I see French cows, obviously UK cows wouldnt understand

I say nothing......just in case there's someone silently taking a wheel behind me. Only good manners to look behind before you let rip though.

I tend to daydream on solo rides. A mile will pass and suddenly I'll realise that I've not paid any attention at all. or it felt like it. Obviously I must somehow have been paying attention but my mind will be wandering off to other things I want to do sometimes, like build an arcade cabinet.

I commentate on myself as if I'm in a pro race.

"Mint Sauce" to sheep

"Mustard" to cows

"Do you know what the indicator stalk is for" to - guess who!

The all-too-often "Aaaaarrgh" (I'm making an effort to moderate my language in case I forget myself in front of my grandson)

Errrmmm... 'No! Nooo! thank you!' to cars that might drive out in front of me

'Come on bike, win the Tour!' when climbing out of the saddle

And my all time favourite: 'spin don't lug'

Plus plenty of advice to myself 'come ON', the perennial 'shut up legs' etc.

And a lot of 'hello sparrow/magpie/cows' etc

Plus 'good morning' to cyclists overtaking, or on the occasion that I overtake others - joggers too, because otherwise they might step out into the road.

I thought it was just me!

"This drink is, this drink is, this drink is isotonic" (This beat is technotronic - Technotronic)

"Change up, stand up" (Get up, stand up - Bob Marley)

"He once, was a great descender" (The great pretender - Elvis) - although now I've googled the lyrics I realise it should be "oh yes I'm the great pretender"

"look up at the mountain I have to climb" (Miles from nowhere, Cat Stevens). Usually at the foot of a climb as I glance up to size up my foe.

I also take "Slow" signs (usually near a blind hill crest) as an insult and speed up while denying being slow. 

I also make a "kerching" cash register sound when I make a perfect straight line on  the "S" of "SLOW" because that makes a $. But I do feel guilty because one should really cross on the horizontal section of the "L" as this the least amount of (slippery) paint to cross.   

I've got issues. 

When I ride over SLOW on the road I always end up singing "Slow Down You Move Too Fast" by Simon & Garfunkel. It's wishful thinking really, because I usually am going SLOW and I feel like the road is just rubbing it in

Del Amitri "Another Letter Home" when going up steep ones. It's got the perfect timbre for a 12% incline.

I always find myself singing Dream Catch Me by Newton Faulkner. It took me ages to figure out why, but I eventually worked out that it's from looking at the hills ahead or seeing where I'm off to and thinking "That's where I'm going" which is one of the lines in the song.

Sadly, I find myself counting pedal strokes out loud sometimes....

Usually just "well f*** off then!" to other cyclists who fail to acknowledge me

"Hello girls!" to the sheep.

This is in tribute to my late friend, Pete.

High cadence climbing to an internal refrain of either "Freed from desire" by Gala or "From Paris to Berlin" by Infernal.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p3l7fgvrEKM

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=THt5u-i2d9k

Mostly just different inflections of either "Good Day" at humans and  "Dog" at dogs.

Generally say hello to livestock here in the New Forest as arriving unannounced behind one of the ponies really isn't advisable. Currently pannage season so the hogs are out on the Forest - had a group running alongside me last week (pigs are surprisingly fast runners once up to speed)

I yell "Wanker!" at the occasional close passer. I also tend to yell "Careful fella!" if I see a bird or animal cross the road in an ill-advised manner.

"If you're going, go!" gets used a lot.

And many words that are not suitable for a family audience.

I usually moo at inquisitive cows as I ride past.  A friendly moo.  I like cows.

Pheasants are possibly the most stupid birds ever and don't get out of the way, even when I'm riding towards them whooping and generally calling them names.  There really can't be much sport involved in shooting them.