Almost at Crisis Point…

I now want either a Klein bottle or some associated merchandise.

What works for me is making cycling into a habit. If I start thinking about cycling, I find I end up concentrating on the negatives and so the best solution for me is to not think about it as I forget that it's supposed to be fun. The fun aspect is also the grounding aspect - you notice the wind, greenery, glorious sunshine (NOT) and it's all physical sensations leading to a sense of well-being and nothing to do with the brain sticking its oar in and worrying.

However, you've clearly got a problem making it into a habit, so along with seeking help from a GP and others, I'd repeat MungeCrundle's advice. Go for a 5 minute ride with no expectations - don't even necessarily put on all your kit - just pootle around a bit.

On a tangent (nothing to do with bikes) - I wish I could syphon off the energy and enthusiasm that Cliff Stoll has: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-k3mVnRlQLU

Sometimes you can't plan and logic your way out of mental wellbeing issues. I was guilty in my youth of thinking people should "snap out of it" and believed that I maintained control of my own destiny.

After being mugged and left for dead, stumbling for miles to find help, I began to suffer from PTSD. At first I was very much a "it's happened, can't change it, crack on" on the outside and probably on the inside. Only after the medication kicked out did I find out the following... I wasn't ever getting deep sleep and apparently often 'fighting' and yelling out in my sleep, I'd got massively heightened reflexes and hyper awareness (which in itself is tiring), I was constantly wrestling with self-worth, every plan I made became a stress rather than release as I'd overthink it, brief moments of happiness led me to question their reality or why I couldn't be happy more or even fearful that the pain would come back. A chemical imbalance was happening and all the will in the world couldn't stop it, the drugs could. They didn't solve it, there was still a lot of work to be done but my brain was at least competent enough to begin this process where it wasn't before. There should be no stigma about the medication or the asking for support.

As for the cycling, it can be a joy once you have the other things sorted, the more you pressure it to be the 'release;' though the more likelihood you'll feel unfulfilled. As others have said though, perhaps a cycling holiday (different from like mountain if you're a roadie), perhaps visit a track or cycling event, find a group of people of a similar level and have a 'club run' (don't worry about making friends at day one, just use them as motivation to turn up, find a different route etc.).

Best of luck, and keep talking even if just with internet muppetts like us!

Yeah, I'd look to make an appointment with your GP over going out for a ride.

What worked for me is in recognising small things as victories. Even something mundane like making a cup of tea. Just take a moment to tell yourself you were succesful at that task. Sounds stupid but little changes to your self perception add up. Having made a cup of tea, opening the post and getting rid of the envelopes and junk made what I saw as a big problem reduce to something manageable.

In the same light, and I realise that it might sound either overly simplistic or an insurmountable pain in the arse depending on how much other junk you need to move out of the way first. But get your bike out of the shed or wherever you keep it and give it a bit of a clean. Then ride it down to the end of the road and back. Then leave it in the hallway, then get your cycling kit ready the night before, then get changed into it in the morning and before you know it, you will have tricked yourself back into your old cycling habits.

Is it the destination/route or the cycling in itself?

If the latter then find somewhere nice to cycle, that avoids as much motor traffic as possible, don't put a speedometer on your bike, setting a target you might not hit means more stress/annoyance, don't worry about how far you've gone, or how fast or gow many times you've stopped.

The better weather will be here and with that it's somewhat easier to have an enjoyable ride. Find something enjoyable to do on the ride halfway round, I sometimes stop for a nice pint about 7 miles from home, sometimes I'll pop in to see a friend for an hour or so, sometimes I'll plan to nip to the supermarket on the way back to buy myself a treat for after the ride. 

Try to enjoy cycling away from commuting/the daily grind, find ways to use your bike that makes you smile, think back to the rides you enjoyed the most, what made those rides enjoyable, replicate that as much as you can.

On rides into the city, set off 10-15 minutes earlier than you might ordinarily, there's no need to treat a commute as a training session, it also means you have more thinking time for scenarios that are stressy (we know what these are!), it might also mean that you can avoid some of the roads that make commuting crap (not guaranteed I know).

Also, in lieu of the exercise, maybe note the points when you're scoffing food you don't need, particular events, times of days etc. Maybe a menu plan might help, make sure you have the right snack foods to hand - I like boiled eggs, I have some peeled in the fridge almost every day, I'll often keep cooked lean bacon or chicken in a container to snack on.

it's always the extra carbs that you're not burning that do the damage IMHO, it's too easy to consume them, you then get the hit and boom, you've overloaded by 500-1000 cals for the day. Do only 500cals over what you need for your basal requirement and your activity for a week and that's almost the equiv of an extra lb in fat stores.

But mainly, try to start to enjoy cycling again, something to make you smile and feel relaxed.

Good luck.

I’d second Legs Eleven’s comment.

In addition, there are loads of suggestions in this article. I’m a big fan of signing myself up for something that I know I’m going to have to train for. 

https://road.cc/content/feature/241522-how-rediscover-your-cycling-mojo-...

Just tell yourself you have no other transport option, so you HAVE to ride.

That's what I plan to do.  Starting tomorrow...  I will if you will  

(I had a bad shoulder and a bad foot - both now sorted - and could probably count on one hand the number of times I've ridden in the last six months.  Travelling by bus is a habit I got into, which is annoying, and I've definitely put on weight, but its so darned convenient...  And I need to stop it.).

At this point, I'd be heading to see my GP and asking to be referred to whatever mental health authority is competent in your borough.

There is NO shame to this.