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Eating disorder

Hello,

the past couple of months I have been having some problem with eating enough food and I am wondering if anyone can give me some advice. At the end of february I had a big crash and I was of the bike and not training for almost a month. The crash had a big impact on me both physically and mentally. When I was not training because of the crash I started to eat less food because I was in bed all day and could barely for some time and I didn't want to gain unnecessary weight. I think that when I started training again I already got used to eating less and so my body didn't get enough food and I started loosing weight. After some time my parents noticed it as well and urged me to eat more. I am now trying to eat more and gain some weight back. The problem is not physical - I can eat a lot of food without feeling sick if I want too and my apetite is always good. But I am having some mental problems when it comes to eating more, because I think that I will gain just fat and not muscle and I am scared of that. I know that if I gain some weight I will also become stronger but its hard for me to convince my self that that is true. I know that there is a lot of eating disorders in cycling and I hope someone will be able to give me some advice. I am still a junior rider so its also important for me to eat enough as I am still developing. I also have a bit of OCD although it was more severe when I was younger. How do I convince myself that food is my friend and that I should eat more? Thank you in advance for all your help:)

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