Lance and Clarkson on the same live blog — aren't you lucky...
It appears the former Top Gear host had his keyboard returned by The Sun post-Christmas on the naughty step after those comments about Meghan Markle prompted, record complaints, a screeching U-turn and one big ol' apology.
And while we'd love to ignore it, the Clarkson's Farm presenter's latest column takes on 20mph speed limits, James May's support of them, plus a bit of CyclingMikey thrown in too. Unfortunately, all very much our patch...
"All of the roads in London's central zone have a 20mph speed limit and there are now calls for this to become the blanket maximum in every single one of the nation's cities, towns and villages," Clarkson wrote.
"One of those calls came from m'colleague, James May, who went on the radio this week to say that 20's plenty. Of course, you're thinking that James May would say that. He's known as Captain Slow and has never been faster than 20 in his whole life.
> James May says 20mph is "plenty fast enough", and hopes "change in attitude" can help end road sectarianism
"But there's something you don't know about James. He virtually lives in the socialist cesspit that is Twitter, where he follows not just Sir Starmer but also the deranged London Mayor, Sadiq Khan. He even follows that Cycling Mikey man who rides round London on his children's toy, videotaping anyone in a car who he thinks might be Tory.
"James, then, like all of the world's Twitter enthusiasts, is not getting a balanced view on which to shape his opinions. He's just listening to lefties competing with one another to see who can think of the most left-wing thing."
Clarkson goes on to suggest average speeds in cities are already well below 20 and the "loonies" who break speed limits (he calls "motorcyclists") will still break them anyway.
"Even if the road is quiet, it is nigh-on impossible to drive at 20mph," he claims. "There's always going to be a downhill stretch at some point where you'll accidentally reach 25. Which will land you with a hefty fine.
"The only way to avoid this is to stare constantly at the speedometer, and not be distracted by the sound of all the prams and the mobility scooters you're hitting because you're not looking where you're going.
"Of course, people say that 20 is safer and kinder to the environment. But if these are the goals, then why not make the limit five? Or one? Or why not ban cars altogether and force us to hop to work instead? That's almost certainly what the Twitter army wants.
"Because in their electronic world, where you can't say this, and you can't think that, and no one has any real friends, it makes perfect sense to restrict a normal person's desire to travel."
Oh, and before we go, there was just time for Clarkson to tick off Oxford's zero emission zone from his bingo card too, describing it as "East Germany circa 1965"... that's a full house... BINGO!