18 things that cyclists say

As I'm struggling up a climb, zig zagging just to stay on, breathing out my backside. Some moron shouts 'on your right' as they squeeze past.
They can clearly see I'm doing all I can to stay upright and moving to the left is impossible (you know who you all are).
I would reply with a witty comment if my lungs had any spare capacity so me, I say nothing....

It's not a cape, its just a bloody jacket.

Cyclists say to triathletes "No sleeveless tops allowed", yet they even have a French word for them, so they must be acceptable to cyclists! Bonjour l'gilet.

Two fingers to the Velominati

Maggers wrote:

"morning/afternoon" (delete as appropriate)
as you casually breeze past a person on a climb, especially if their bike cost 4 times what yours did.
That oh so unsubtle put down.

That's embarrassing, my 'morning/afternoon' is usually intended as a friendly acknowledgement on passing people. Perhaps in future I'd better shut up!

"What was the point of that"
generally when overtaken for 5 seconds to the next red.

This thread makes me smile and reminds me when i bonked coming back home on a 70 miler a couple of years ago. I passed a guy in his late 50's on a clapped out mtb worth about 50 quid wearing jeans and a tee shirt. I went by him like he was standing still with still about 20k to go and gave him that subtle "afternoon" greeting that we all know the real meaning of. 5k from home i ran out of juice and willpower on a couple of hills and ended up just spinning at about 60rpm in the second easiest gear. I had nothing left after pushing it too hard early on.

This guy came past me like I was standing still and when i recognised him i just burst out laughing and so did he. What else could i do?

It was one of those Karma moments where you accept the payback gracefully and it kinda makes you lighten up and not take yourself or your cycling too seriously.

Using the phrase "inhaling a banana" with a completely straight face.

"No one likes a showoff" as a rider cruises past me going up a hill.
"Where are we riding today"? The usual pre ride conference.
"Oh I don't mind going the shorter route" Coz I'm knacked anyway but trying not to show it.
"No, I'll get this coffee, you bought the last one"
Et Al.

I'd actually be in favour of road.cc not giving the game away by not putting details in the grand tour news item headlines and just calling it "(date) at the giro/tour/vuelta). Otherwise I have to quickly scroll down if I haven't already watched the highlights.

Saying good morning to Club Kit Wankers and Aldi Warriors as I effortlessly pass them on a climb resplendent in some box fresh Rapha on my limited edition C59 and leave them with a view of my clean shaven, mahogany brown calves while they carry their massive chips across their shoulders. Sucks to be you eh.

Just watch the famous YouTube vid! Sh*t cyclists say! always cracks me up! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GMCkuqL9IcM

On the other end of the ""morning/afternoon" (delete as appropriate)
as you casually breeze past a person on a climb..." exchange, I am often heard saying, "........(gasp).........urgh?!"

HalfWheeler my epithet of choice is either halfwit or fcukwit depending on to or from work commute.

Want shiny thing

Well worn cycling phrases? Usually screamed in rage/panic at dozy drivers;

"Hey! Are you fucking blind you c**t!"
"too close you c**t!"

I, as a cyclist, don't say any of those things.
I do say;
'Hello, how's it going?'
'Where are you off to?
'Do you want some company?'
'Nice bike'
'No worries, I'm not racing'
'Have you been that way?'
'I watch the highlights, but I'm not that bothered'
'I know, my wife says the same'
'About 5 years, but I put a new groupset on this year'
'Three, two at Uni, one at college'
'Always windy, but I don't mind'

...and so on.

(...and where I live, you don't do that I'm going quicker than you rubbish unless you like getting a slap...)

Whoever took my legs, please give them back!
I'm not racing you.
If you insist on sitting on my wheel for so long, I'm going to insist on farting..
All the the gear. All the idea. But not the legs today!

And the classic, bike shop line;
Ooo new shiny thing, I want one. What does it do?

A mate of mine knows loads of shortcuts. Can easily cut off 5 miles of riding when you're tired or running short of time. Granted, it goes over a 20% climb, but it's still a shortcut, right?

Have actually used the knee surgery one, but then again I was recovering from knee surgery.

My normal responses to those that breeze past me is:

A) I go better in a head wind (sort of true if your built more like Magnus Bacstead than Marco Pantani)
or
B) I take my Lanterne Rouge training seriously.

"morning/afternoon" (delete as appropriate)
as you casually breeze past a person on a climb, especially if their bike cost 4 times what yours did.
That oh so unsubtle put down.