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feature
Time Xpresso 15 pedals18 things that cyclists say
Here's our pick of 18 things that we reckon most cyclists have said at some time or other. Are we right or wrong? And what have we missed off our list? Let us know down below.
• How much does it weigh?
Cyclists as a species are obsessed by weight. Bikes, components, accessories, themselves… I mean, how much difference can a carbon-fibre headset spacer or titanium bottle cage bolt actually make?
• Don’t tell me what happened in the Tour, I’m watching the highlights later.
It’s like that episode of the Likely Lads where Terry and Bob don’t want to know the result of the big match before it’s shown on TV. Spoiler alert! Chris Froome won..JPG)
Marcel Kittel wins Stage 1 of the 2014 Tour de France (picture Welcome to Yorkshire)
• I’m on a recovery ride.
This is a phrase you save for those occasions when another rider catches you up on the road. Alternatives would be, “This is my third century ride of the week”, and, “I’m just recovering from knee reconstruction surgery.”
• My bike has broken, can you come and pick me up?
It’s tragic to see a grown man/woman grovelling on the phone when things go irreparably wrong.
• My chain slipped.
A handy excuse if you get dropped on a climb. Yes, people will suspect you’re lying, but they can’t prove it, can they?
• I went out at the weekend and bonked.
Remember that this has a very different meaning to non-cyclist friends.
• Did you damage the bike?
The first question you ask when a friend tells you they crashed.
• How far is it to the top?
If you’re asking, you’re hanging.
• Is it carbon-fibre?
There’s a school of thought in cycling that says carbon-fibre is good, other stuff is less good.
• I know a short cut.
Do you though? Or do you just think you do?
• How much did you say it weighs, again?
Obsessed.
• Do you have a spare energy bar?/ Can I have some of your water?
You try to ask in the most matter-of-fact voice possible, but your legs are shot to bits.
• Is it ANT+ compatible?
Heart rate monitors, power meters, cadence sensors, turbo trainers… If it’s not on speaking terms with a Garmin, the cycling world doesn’t want to know.
• Do you have a chain tool/ Torq wrench/ 2.5mm Allen key handy?
Be prepared. That’s what they taught you in the Cubs/Brownies.
• Is there a shop/garage near here?
What have you forgotten this time?
• Campagnolo is way better than Shimano.
Or vice versa. Or SRAM is way better than either. Blah, blah, blah!
• It’s what Team Sky use.
You think your better half will accept this as a reason for spending £200 on a pair of sunglasses? You’re wrong.
• Do you know where we are?
What did we leave out? Let us know the other things that should be on our list.
Mat has been in cycling media since 1996, on titles including BikeRadar, Total Bike, Total Mountain Bike, What Mountain Bike and Mountain Biking UK, and he has been editor of 220 Triathlon and Cycling Plus. Mat has been road.cc technical editor for over a decade, testing bikes, fettling the latest kit, and trying out the most up-to-the-minute clothing. He has won his category in Ironman UK 70.3 and finished on the podium in both marathons he has run. Mat is a Cambridge graduate who did a post-grad in magazine journalism, and he is a winner of the Cycling Media Award for Specialist Online Writer. Now over 50, he's riding road and gravel bikes most days for fun and fitness rather than training for competitions.
Latest Comments
- ktache 5 sec ago
The proximity to the Transport Research Labs means that the area often gets weird new stuff.
- chrisonabike 5 min 39 sec ago
No great mystery in either case, surely? Both US politician and the motor trade say "choose us and your life will be better and easier!" And other...
- stonojnr 2 hours 9 min ago
but in cases where you report other cyclists close passes, you literally are the witness to it, not the victim ?...
- S.E. 2 hours 12 min ago
1. It's obviously more aerodynamic, even a small backpack or hydration pack can help, there are studies about this....
- stonojnr 2 hours 17 min ago
theres an attitude I encounter alot locally, and demonstrated in bucket loads by drivers on my commute home tonight, that cyclists shouldnt be on...
- Keesvant 3 hours 37 min ago
If the chains snap that is lack of build quality or material.....
- Hirsute 4 hours 33 min ago
"Wisdom is better than weapons of war, but one sinner destroys much good."
- Jaijai 4 hours 57 min ago
His life was only worth shy of 7 years ,that's too lenient in every book .Let alone drugged up and leaving him to die
- webbierwrex 5 hours 2 min ago
I came here to basically write the same thing, the floating bus stop near me has a very narrow cycling lane between a very narrow pavement and a...
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73 comments
"Am I going ******** backwards or what", as I get dropped on a hill
"Too close!!!" when berating the latest driver to pass me within inches...
SHIT CYCLISTS SAY! (Aussie version..)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DbEJfJlvp4E
Hell, I never realised that saying 'good morning/afternoon' could be taken as anything but for the intended friendly greeting.
I 'm horrified that I might have been taken for one of those smug, sneering judgmental gits who've been boasting on this thread.
Why is it always a head wind home?
My favourite cycling conversation normally goes along the lines of....
Friend "I can't make the ride on Saturday but Pete can"
Me "Who's Pete?"
Friend "You know rides with us all the time blond hair about 6 foot"
Me "Nope"
Friend "Rides a white Colnago with Ultegra group"
Me "Oh is that Pete no worries we won't leave without him"
It's the whole not knowing the person but recognising the bike.....
People who give your bike the once over before deciding that you're worthy of their conversation.
I'm doing an easy zone 2 recovery ride.
Is this a training ride?
What do you reckon on Lance then?
Astana, eh? Will they keep their licence?
How much were those Zipps? Any good?
It's not about the bike.
It's not about the wheels.
When are you gonna get some new kit?
Those tyres are crap.
Gels make me sick.
I'm not paying that to ride a bloody sportive on public roads.
I did a short 28 on the G17/25 yesterday. PB.
Take the first left up Shagrabbit lane and go past the garage; it's around there somewhere.
Lend us a quid.
Of course I don't get out enough on *this* bike.
They're not cyclists, they're roadie rat Bez looking 8 stone when wet bellers in skimpy lingerie. Don't forget your rulebook.
"Is my bike OK?"... with blood streaming from various wounds.
Accidentally took an energy gel that was 1 year out of date. Tasted like glue and gave me the s**ts...... so just as good as a fresh one!
The Sat Nav said it was this way
Car Back!
Always said from the back of the group: "Up, up up!"
Me too. I only ever intend Good Morning/Afternoon to mean just that. As in isn't it great to be alive and out on a bike doing something that i enjoy. I say it when passing someone(very rarely) and when being passed (a lot more common).
I also check to see that someone is OK if they are stood by their bike, repairing puncture etc. at the side of the road. Hate to think what that makes them think of me!
I recently had a brief chat with another cyclist before parting ways at a junction. The next day I saw a comment on strava from a guy I know from my camera club and a couple of other forums. He had only recognised me when I mentioned my other bike but that was as we parted ways.
No parking
+1
Used to use "get off and milk it" a lot when we were kids. Seems to have gone out of fashion a bit now and I'm honestly not 100% as to it's full meaning!
I always say hello if I'm passing someone, but if they are fully kitted i might just give a quick flick of the hand to wave and a nod rather than them thinking I'm passive aggressively besmirching their efforts.
Just look at that view!! (puff puff puff)
Usually heard half way up a hill
"No, I've had that bike for at least a couple of years" [complete lie!]
"No, it wasn't too expensive, it was an absolute bargain - I got 50% off" [50% off a small fortune is still a small fortune!]
"Which bike are you taking?"
"Car back!"
A common saying in Northern Ireland is "Keep 'er lit", shouted usually when you:
Others which could be included:
- "Steady" (usually shouted by the person at the back of the ride who's hanging like a bat)
- "What coffee shop today"
- "So is it real or chinese?"
HOLE!!!!!
"Gosh wish I had a fast car", when overtaking the line of cars going nowhere on the morning commute.
Lance who?
So it's not 53t then?
So, you're not actually in Team Sky then?
The best one that I (currently) use to the other half when I want to get a new piece of kit.
"But, yes it is worth it as it will make me ride faster / longer / better*" (*delete as appropriate).
"Oh, this? I've had this for ages."
New club catchphrase is:
"too pro for a hello"
usually muttered after another rider (usually in London club kit on a Sunday morning) ignores a friendly greeting.
On another point as mentioned above, I normally mean good morning in the traditional sense of the greeting, but then again, maybe I have subconsciously feeling a tiny bit smug at the time, Still nice to be friendly isn't it.
Its much better than the friendly invitations to:
"jump on the back of the train mate"
as a club ride storms past you up whatever miserable climb you are attempting to summit.
So, we saw Giant Alpecin training earlier this year, and they weren't too pro to say hello, and were even smiley in the car park by the team car. Nice to see, and always nice to be nice.
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