Angry people in local newspapers: jewellers "forced" to close...because of cycle lane; Alaphilippe back training (but only on Tacx™ rollers); Jumbo-Visma pro faceplants while passing fan a bottle; Everesting every day for a week? + more on the live blog

Let's finish Thursday with one of our favourite live blog hobbies...enjoying angry people in local newspapers...

Duggan Jewellers is closing down and owner Damian Duggan knows exactly who (or more accurately, what) is to blame...it's that pesky cycle lane, of course!

Despite 42 years of business he made the interesting claim to Extra.ie that it was a bollard too far for his business, and will decimate his trade...

"I always thought I’d be carried out of here in a wooden box but the day they started putting the bollards down I said 'that's it', and we closed," he said poetically.

Anyway, let's get what we're here for...the Facebook comment gold...

"His customers will travel from far and wide, but also not walk more than 7 foot once parked," Danny Cole said.

Steve Morrison has spotted a new business opportunity: "Maybe if he sold bejewelled cycling helmets his business would thrive?" Improvise. Adapt. Overcome...

Equally enterprising is Dominic Price: "Clearly there's a market here for drive through jewellers, why make people get out of their cars at all."

Tim Commer simply parroted what we've been saying for years..."That's the trouble with cycle lanes, as soon as one appears businesses profits start falling, inflation rises, the pound crashes, global warming skyrockets, war breaks out and it all ends in nuclear armageddon. Science has proven cycle lanes killed off the dinosaurs." Hear, hear...

David Dassinger's feeling petty: "I hope somebody opens a bike shop in that space."

Sometimes social media can be fun...

Pro cycling teams love a sponsor shout-out. I mean, fair enough, they fund the bill-paying and chain-lubing...

However, we do love to take the piss out of some of the more bizarre shoehorned sponsor name drops...and boy do we have one for you this afternoon.

World Champion @alafpolak1 has undergone further examinations at the hospital in Herentals, which have revealed that the pneumothorax he suffered as a result of the crash three weeks ago has completely healed, meaning he is able to resume light training on a set of @tacx rollers. pic.twitter.com/YrfyPWFoZl

— Quick-Step Alpha Vinyl Team (@qst_alphavinyl) May 12, 2022

Firstly and foremostly, it's great that the world champion is back on his (Specialized) bike. See what I did there? I'm sure Patrick Lefevere's Tour de France plans are extremely grateful...however, Quick-Step Alpha Vinyl's update does suggest a doctor somewhere sat Julian down and prescribed Tacx roller work only...

"I'm sorry, Julian. Your body is not strong enough for Elite or Wahoo just yet. For people with your injuries, I always prescribe Tacx..."

the Doctors specifically said only @tacx rollers and nothing else 🤣

But seriously, super news. 💪💪💪

— Joe (@joehenstridge) May 12, 2022

😘#Giro @MarkCavendish @qst_alphavinyl pic.twitter.com/5prw5ph846

— Giro d'Italia (@giroditalia) May 12, 2022

What's happened on stage six of the Giro? Absolutely nothing of note...

Sorry to disappoint, we're still living off yesterday's bizarre finish line crash. Diego Rosa has three minutes advantage but as sure as the Pope is a Catholic or bears relieve themselves in the woods (depending on if you ask Jens Voigt or not) we'll get a sprint of some sort in Scalea in roughly two and a half hours' time...until then you may as well forget the Giro's even happening...

We regularly get sent 'studies' by a whole host of companies, essentially looking for a shout-out. Sometimes, naming no names *cough* me *cough*, people fall for them and might write a story titled, I don't know, off the top of my head, 'Where is Britain's safest and most dangerous city for cycling?' only to need to go back in and change pretty much everything to say the 'study's' logic was questionable at best...forgive me, my brain appeared to be in a hangover-induced state of shutdown on Sunday...

Well, today we've got another one in our inbox...'UK's most penalised drivers are in Bradford, Liverpool and Leeds, study reveals' which we quickly thought might sound better as...'UK's worst drivers that deserved to be punished are in Bradford, Liverpool and Leeds'.

Anyway, on closer inspection it included gems like: "Of the ten postcode areas with the highest percentage of licence holders with penalty points, eight are based in West Yorkshire, and two other postcode areas are in Merseyside."

road.cc translation: West Yorkshire Police and Merseyside Police are the two forces within whose areas drivers are most likely to have penalty points, most likely due to a combination of high levels of enforcement of traffic laws by roads policing units, local CPS offices proceeding with prosecution once a case is referred to them, and the specific approach taken to punishment by courts there.

Funny how that's not as catchy as most penalised drivers...

Another classic: "Drivers who want to avoid getting further penalty points on their licence may want to consider moving to a remote Scottish island though, as six of the ten postcode areas with the lowest penalty point to licence holder ratio are based in quiet island locations north of the English border."

So yeah, make of all that what you will...

People often escape in the night, using secondary roads, to bypass numerous Russian checkpoints, where one can be arbitrarily detained and disappear without trace. Sometimes they escape on bicycles: here's @berdynskykh_k photo of bikes left in Zelenodolsk,first 🇺🇦-controlled town pic.twitter.com/q9TXuDDYs3

— Olga Tokariuk (@olgatokariuk) May 11, 2022

(Disclaimer that this is a joke, I don't cycle on the pavement unless there's a mixed use path that makes sense to use)

— Caoimhe 🏳️‍⚧️🇮🇪🇬🇧💛🤍💜🖤 (@Caoimhe4now) May 11, 2022

Chris Hall is something of a road.cc legend who almost broke the live blog in November 2020 after he brought a new insane climbing challenge to our attention — trenching. That day, he rode up (and importantly, down too) Box Hill 91 times until he'd climbed (and descended) the depth of the Mariana Trench. That's a whole 10,994m...although Chris did 11,870m, of course, during a 450km ride...

Then, last spring we reported the shocking story that Chris had called off his England-crossing charity ride from Land’s End in Cornwall (the most westerly point) to Ness Point in Lowestoft (the most easterly) after being pushed off his bike in Andover.

Thankfully, Chris returned later in the year to finish what he started, riding 700km across England in 29 hours...

Now he needs a new challenge and will be trying to complete seven Everestings in seven days. That's seven consecutive days of climbing 8,848m...just ask Liam how hard it is to do one...

Chris' latest epic will be raising awareness for mental health and funds for Movember, and gets underway on May 16. So...which hill is going to become etched on his mind forever? Answer? The stunning Llyn Stwlan Dam; with its tight hairpins and 9.7 per cent average gradient, it really is one of the most incredible climbs in the UK. No better place to grind up 61,936m...(that's 33 reps and 182km each day)...

Chris is inviting anyone who wants to help with a couple of reps to come along for moral support so, if you're in the area next week, feel free to drop by with some carbohydrates...

Jumbo-Visma's Giro d'Italia has gone from bad to worse...

Like a Monday morning. @OutOfCycling @JumboVismaRoad pic.twitter.com/J65NVmAlP1

— Carlo Gironi (@carlogironi) May 11, 2022

First it was Edoardo Affini getting dropped on a climb by a...cat?! Then Tom Dumoulin got pipped for stage two by Simon Yates. On the day up Etna, Dumoulin, Tobias Foss and Sam Oomen all lost significant GC time. And now, Oomen has been brought down by an over-zealous spectator looking for a souvenir. 

The Dutch rider was rolling back to the team bus after yesterday's stage finish in Messina, when a fan stepped out to ask for a bottle. Channelling his inner Pascal Eenkhoorn, Oomen passed it over, only for the fan's bag to get caught on his bars, and cause a moment made for 'Out of Context Cycling'...

The fan seemed to take the impact harder than Oomen, cursing his luck...you can almost see the moment he realises he's going to be plastered all over the internet...'am I the real Opi-Omi?'

That’s Oppi for you

— Michael Scarisbrick (@ScarisbrickMike) May 12, 2022

Anyway, Jumbo-Visma said "at a first glance" their rider seems okay after the fall. Oh, and to top off the team's misfortune, young sprinter Olav Kooij won an impressive sprint victory on the opening stage of the Tour of Hungary, prompting many to bombard their social media accounts with messages about how they've picked the wrong team. Who'd want to be a DS in that team this morning?