Motorist pulls out on bike lane, tells Jeremy Vine to “f*** off”, drives through no-entry signs; Soudal-Quick Step pro almost taken out by quad rider during beach race; Farmer’s bizarre “Lycra-clad” cyclist rant; Hinault for MEP? + more on the live blog

It’s December, which means only one thing – it’s time for Jeremy Vine’s Terrible London Driving Advent Calendar!

And there’s a real cracker behind today’s window…

Cycling along King Street, Hammersmith, yesterday. IT’S ALWAYS THE SECOND CAR pic.twitter.com/kVFzoXyCBC

— Jeremy Vine (@theJeremyVine) December 4, 2023

After pulling out on the pedalling broadcaster on King Street’s cycle lane in Hammersmith – and clearly perturbed by Jezza’s toot of the bike horn and rather understated wave as he moved onto the road to avoid the car – our friendly motorist responded by shouting out the window: “Of, f*** off. Typical f***ing cyclist. I stopped, didn’t I?”

Well, that’s one way to apologise, I suppose. And surely Jeremy, you should be grateful that he stopped and didn’t let you slam into the side of his car?

Anyway, the clearly attention to detail-oriented motorist compounded matters by concluding his drive-by rant… by heading straight through no-entry signs the wrong way down a one-way road.

“Interesting that this petrosexual stops without hesitation when he’s faced with an oncoming car. When it’s a cyclist, he abuses them.”

Alexa, can you show me how many traffic violations it's possible to fit into 30 seconds of driving?
Thanks Alexa..... pic.twitter.com/96bzoKSWV5

— Bob (@Cycling_Bob) December 4, 2023

I for one can’t wait to find out what’s behind tomorrow’s advent calendar window… Maybe Ruud Gullit sitting on a shed?

It’s safe to say that, in the past few years anyway, farmers have been unfairly maligned by the professional cycling world – Contador and tainted beefgate immediately springs to mind, as does Toon Aerts’ recent attempt to take on the entire Normandy dairy farming industry…

> Wake up to (anything but) milk: Pro cyclists warned not to eat or drink dairy products at cyclocross race after positive doping tests

But sometimes, farmers – irritated by the sullying of their reputations by desperate, excuse-scavenging pro cyclists – get their own back by taking aim at us normal folk just riding our bikes on the roads.

Last May, for instance, a particularly foul-mouthed tirade went viral on the Farmers Against Misinformation Facebook page, which lambasted cyclists – colourfully described as people who enjoy “slipping into a Lycra suit and impaling yourself on a cock-shaped bike seat” – for not stopping to allow oncoming tractor drivers to pass.

“Do not just continue at full speed and then piss and moan as you go past because if it goes wrong you’ll end up being pressure washed off a tractor wheel,” the post said. “Cars, horse riders, and runners are capable of it, I seem to be missing something with cyclists, I presume either you don’t want to get your special bike dirty, you’re trying to beat your PB, or more than likely you’re just a complete cock in general.”

Charming.

> Foul-mouthed anti-cyclist rant from farmers' Facebook group goes viral

And, speaking of farmers and anti-cycling tirades, Farmers Weekly – the longstanding British farming magazine – has now decided to follow in the angry online tracks of illustrious predecessors like the Spectator, the Mail, and GB News by devoting one of its columns to a cliché-packed, almost certainly manufactured (or at least exaggerated) rant about Lycra-clad, middle-aged cyclists.

The column, penned by Welsh beef cattle farmer and opinion writer Will Evans and titled ‘The one where the cyclist meets the hedgecutter’ (coming soon to a Channel 5 Christmas movie marathon near you), inevitably begins:

Out of my peripheral vision I saw the fluorescent Lycra-clad man come hurtling round the bend. My instincts told me there’d be trouble.

Will, did your instincts also advise that you had a column deadline in a few hours, and precisely no ideas for what to include in it?

Anyway, Will continues: “Powered by pedals and righteous indignation, he flew down the road towards me, slowed, crossed over, and stopped just a few metres in front of the tractor bonnet with a face like thunder, a bulldog chewing a wasp and a smacked arse combined.”

Following that paragraph of mixed metaphor purgatory, Will goes on to detail how much he hates cutting the hedges along this particular narrow, twisting stretch of road, due to the vast number of  “speeding cars, dog walkers, and pedestrians around”.

One of those things is not like the others, but go on…

Back to the Mexican standoff I unexpectedly had on my hands.

It crossed my mind as I waited to see what he’d do next that it was a good job it wasn’t my old man on the tractor, as the bike – and possibly its rider too – would be flat by now.

The thought of this, and the absurd situation I now found myself in, made me begin to giggle.

This only seemed to anger him further, and he began furiously flinging his arms around, gesturing at the hedge, then pointing angrily at me and the road while unleashing a profanity-laced tirade.

I apologise to any cyclists who happen to be reading this (and I’ve been known to occasionally don the gear and head out for a few miles myself, by the way).

But how on earth is anyone supposed to keep a straight face when confronted with a profusely red-faced, slightly rotund middle-aged man, dressed from head to toe in figure-hugging fluorescent Lycra and a bike helmet, windmilling his arms and frothing at the mouth with rage while trying desperately not to topple over on a bike?

(Thank God that he didn’t, or I genuinely might have died laughing.)

Ah, it seems that Will is learning fast from his heroes over at the Spectator, being careful to mention that he rides a bike too, you know, while also making light of running a cyclist over with a tractor. Classic.

> Spectator accused of “deliberately confusing drivers to encourage hate towards cyclists” with yet another bizarre ‘I’m a cyclist, but…’ Highway Code column

Evans eventually concludes by claiming that his response to the cyclist’s rant – for which no reason was given in the column – involved a Travolta-esque dance routine, designed purely to wind the rider up even further.

“Perhaps he was just having a bad day,” Will concludes, with that oh-so necessary hat tip towards balance. “As my daughters seem to have an uncanny aptitude for finding multiple thorns with their bike tyres, I had some sympathy for the man.

“But those roads and pavements would be even more unsafe if the hedges weren’t cut. Who’d be a farmer, eh?”

And who’d be a cyclist? I know who could sort all this out… Who has Bernard Hinault’s number?

Belfast-based bike technology company See.Sense has launched a new crowdfunding campaign for its latest light, the Agile, already reaching more than double the original £18,000 target with three days to go.

According to See.Sense, the light boasts 120 Lumens in the rear and 150 Lumens in the front, while retaining the company’s patented ‘reactivity’, providing heightened visibility on the road by dynamically detecting and adjusting to the cyclist’s movements, flashing brighter and faster at moments of high risk such as filtering in traffic, approaching junctions, or navigating roundabouts.

Recognised as the preferred bike light supplier to British Cycling and Cycling Ireland, See.Sense say the Agile is scheduled for dispatch in February, with early-bird backers able to purchase the Agile Rear for £35 (down from the RRP of £50) and the set for £68 (down from £100).

> Backers of See.Sense bike tracker Kickstarter project still waiting three years on

Earlier this year, one road.cc reader told us of their frustration at what they claimed was three years of waiting and “backtracking” concerning another See.Sense crowdfunding campaign, for its bike tracker Kickstarter.

However, the company told us that after pandemic-related delays, changes to the technology used, component shortages, and extensive testing, See.Sense will not ship the product until it is right and remains confident it will be well worth the wait.

While it seems as if every cycling fan, rider, pundit, team boss, and their dog shared their opinion on the cycling story of the late autumn – the rumoured and ultimately unsuccessful merger between Jumbo-Visma and Soudal-Quick Step, the biggest and most drawn out ‘will they, won’t they’ saga since Ross and Rachel – Tour de France director Christian Prudhomme waited until this week to admit he was concerned about the creation of a new mega team with the firepower to turn his race into a damp procession for the foreseeable future.

In a recent interview with AS, Prudhomme said he was initially worried that the hording of three potential Tour winners – Jonas Vingegaard, Remco Evenepoel, and Primož Roglič – would have a stifling effect on the Tour, the collapse of the merger plans, and Roglič’s subsequent transfer to Bora-Hansgrohe, leaves next year’s race wide open.

(Alex Whitehead/SWpix.com)

Asked whether the constant difficulty of the 2024 Tour route – which includes a very early trip to the Alps and the Col du Galibier – could potentially lead to the race being decided long before its groundbreaking finale in Nice, Prudhomme said: “I don't think so. We’re lucky to have exceptional riders, who attack when it’s expected, but also when nobody imagines it.

“Tadej Pogačar attacked on the Champs-Elysées [at this year’s Tour]. He knew he wasn’t going to win the overall, but he was still trying.

“We had a fortnight of spectacular fighting between Pogačar and Vingegaard, and Evenepoel has said that he will make his debut in the race in 2024. What he did at the Vuelta was great: despite everything, he didn't give up.”

(Cycling Creative Agency)

He continued: “What did worry me a bit were the rumours about the Jumbo and Soudal merger, with Jonas and Remco in the same team. But instead, there will be four big champions – Pogačar, Vingegaard, Roglič and Evenepoel – on four different teams, which could make for a really good Tour de France.”

Psst, nobody tell Geraint Thomas about Prudhomme’s ‘four big champions’ comment…

> Cervélo’s first e-bike switches between road and gravel modes... and doesn’t look much like an e-bike

A supermarket in Britain, 1979. Note the many practical bikes parked right outside, fitted with racks and crates for carrying shopping home. This was once normal!

(I'm particularly fond of that tartan zip-up rear bag)

From this video: https://t.co/vf1h499nW4 pic.twitter.com/YOadBcqjfN

— The Alternative Department for Transport (@AlternativeDfT) December 4, 2023

‘Can you believe all the things these cyclists are demanding? Even things that were deemed standard back when Jim Callaghan was in charge! Pah!’

While we’re on the subject of farmers and cyclists, probably the most famous farming/cycling crossover of all time, Bernard Hinault, says he won’t be standing for election to the European parliament next year – because the five-time Tour de France winner is wary of the negative reaction he’ll receive on social media.

Yes, you read that right.

According to France Inter, Hinault was approached to join the potential-MEP list of the Rural Alliance, a new loosely-based political coalition organised by Willy Schraen, the head of the National Federation of Hunters in France, and advisor to President Emmanuel Macron on rural matters.

[Simon Wilkinson/SWPix.com]

The Alliance, which aims to appeal to a broad spectrum of rural voters, and not just France’s one million-odd active hunters, also includes former French international rugby player Louis Picamoles.

Its policies appear to be based around current disgruntlement in the countryside over fuel prices, the lack of 3G coverage in certain regions, immigration, environmental policies, and the EU itself, while Schraen’s support for Macron could also see the group emerge as a challenger to Marine Le Pen’s National Rally.

However, despite forging his reputation on a stubborn and innate desire to fight anything placed in front of him (from Tour rivals and teammates to striking dockyard workers and podium crashers), it appears that Hinault has finally met his match – in the form of social media.

When contacted by France Inter, the 69-year-old confirmed that he had initially joined the Rural Alliance list before throwing in the towel, citing his fear of an “avalanche” of negative online reaction.

Le Blaireau – what happened to you?

Way back in February (I know), we reported on the live blog that Essex County Council was accused of introducing “discriminatory” and “car-brained” measures against cyclists and people who use cycles as mobility aids, after the local authority announced that, as part of a new trial booking system for recycling centres in the county, people cycling to the skip would be asked to leave their bike at the gates.

Our car is broken. So I'm experiencing how frustrating it is for non car users where we live. Earlier, we decided to walk to #Earlswood Community Recycling Shop at Earlswood Dump to buy our 8yo a new bike.Only to be informed that you can only access the shop if you come by car...

— EcoEarlswood 💚 Rachel (@EarlswoodEco) December 3, 2023

Now, over in Surrey, another cyclist has criticised the “frustrating” experience of using the local tip without a car, as she sought to purchase a bike for her eight-year-old child from the recycling centre’s shop – only to be told that it wasn’t possible to access the shop on foot.

“Our car is broken. So I'm experiencing how frustrating it is for non-car users where we live,” Earlswood-based Rachel wrote on Twitter at the weekend.

“Earlier, we decided to walk to Earlswood Community Recycling Shop at Earlswood dump to buy our eight-year=old  a new bike. Only to be informed that you can only access the shop if you come by car...

“Feeling very frustrated, I put a post on my Instagram story to see if any car users could help. And hallelujah, I get a reply from the lovely Angie, who came to our rescue and drove us in. We popped in, bought a bike for £40 and walked back out with a very happy child.

“But my question is this: How does a recycling shop that only caters for car users exist? Is there not scope to include a pathway entrance to get to the shop? I queried this with the recycling shop and they said people mostly get cabs there!

“It was such a shock to be told no because we didn't have a car. So backwards!”