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Got a spare £225? Pay Lance Armstrong to sing you Happy Birthday

The cycling stars of Cameo are recording personalised video messages for paying fans

Need a gift idea that goes beyond the usual cycling-themed tat? If the answer is 'yes' and you've got a spare £225 knocking around, then Lance Armstrong has you covered...

Via the website Cameo, celebrities will brighten up your special occasion with a personalised video message. Think Happy Birthday sung by Snoop Dogg, or a pre-match motivational speech from Michael Buffer.

We went down a Cameo rabbit hole and were pleased to find more than a few famous names from the cycling world willing to lighten your wallet in return for a shout-out.

Lance Armstrong Cameo

Love him or hate him, Lance Armstrong is the headline act here. Before you wince at the £225 asking price, wait until you've heard how much Lachlan Morton charges. Lance's videos seem to go down well, the Texan can boast a strong 4.8 star rating from 42 reviews and typically responds to requests within four days.

In his portfolio of messages there are birthday celebrations and pep talks, including one slightly awkward video to someone working at Oprah Magazine: "I understand you're an incredible team member at Oprah Magazine. Oprah...my girl... I'm sure we could share a few stories about O", says Armstrong. 

Valentine's Day is coming up fast, that's all I'm saying. Who wouldn't want Lance telling them how much they mean to somebody?

A message from EF Education–Nippo's endurance racing star, Lachlan Morton, will set you back an eye-watering £750. That's right, £750. Presumably for that sort of money he sings Happy Birthday on repeat for seven hours while breaking the Everesting record.

Despite Lance and Lachlan's premium rates, there are bargains to be had. Cofidis' new signing Simon Geschke for the frugal fee of £11.25, for example. Or perhaps you want a five-time Monument winner for £37.50? If there was a road.cc 'Cameo of the Year' award, Philippe Gilbert would be taking it home.

He even offers a chat service for £2.24. Less than the price of a cup of coffee to give Phil tips on how to win Milan-San Remo. Other notable cycling Cameoers include: Gianni Moscon (£22.50), Michael Valgren (£37.50) and Phil Gaimon (£75).

It's worth giving Ineos Grenadiers' Owain Doull some credit too for donating the money people paid for his videos to the Noah's Ark Children's Hospital in Cardiff.

Cameo cyclists

Compared to other sports, cycling hasn't been flooded with quite as many current riders and ex-pros. The football section of the site seemingly includes just about every notable player from the past 30 years, ranging from Micky Quinn for £20 through to Roberto Carlos for £150.

Carlton Kirby, Sir Brad, Cav... what are you waiting for?

Dan joined road.cc in 2020, and spent most of his first year (hopefully) keeping you entertained on the live blog. At the start of 2022 he took on the role of news editor. Before joining road.cc, Dan wrote about various sports, including football and boxing for the Daily Express, and covered the weird and wonderful world of non-league football for The Non-League Paper. Part of the generation inspired by the 2012 Olympics, Dan has been 'enjoying' life on two wheels ever since and spends his weekends making bonk-induced trips to the petrol stations of the south of England.

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8 comments

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tony.westclassi... | 3 years ago
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Enjoyable read & enjoyable idea, what trounced it for me was the very bottom bit, Kirby & Wiggins two of the most unlikeable people, one calls him self PROFESSIONAL, the other, was profsional but by dodgy ways, with everything crashing down around ??

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jackseph | 3 years ago
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My brother bought me a Cameo from Phil Gil for my birthday last year. Yeah, I know it was paid for, yeah he read the script my brother had written for him, but it still made me smile.

What's not to like?

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Mungecrundle | 3 years ago
1 like

£225!?

I would illegally park my car on Kensington High Street (in what used to be a cycle lane) contest the parking ticket in court, pay the enhanced fine and consider that a better use for the money.

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Jimmy Ray Will replied to Mungecrundle | 3 years ago
2 likes

Ha I can think of at least one disillusioned ex Armstrong fan that would utterly hate to receive a personalised message. That to me almost seems worth the expense to get one made for him. 

Personally I quite like Lance these days. He's provided nearly 25 years of entertainment now, and he's a gift that keeps giving.

Couldn't stand him as a rider, laughed at him and his uber fans when the shit hit his fan, but now I've come to appreciate his role as cycling entertainer. 

From ultimate sporting hero, to ultimate sporting villian, he's been top of the tree in almost everything he touches. 

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Pedal those squares | 3 years ago
1 like

The words "Do not feed the troll" seem very appropriate in this case.

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mdavidford | 3 years ago
1 like
Quote:

Presumably for that sort of money he sings Happy Birthday on repeat for seven hours while breaking the Everesting record.

Don't give people ideas - the live blog will be filling up with singing everesting attempts before you know it.

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Karbon Kev | 3 years ago
1 like

No thanks, don't want some cheating bar steward wishing me anything ...

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don simon fbpe | 3 years ago
2 likes

Who?

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