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Noel Edmonds in bizarre anti-cyclist rant as he tells cycle trail developer: “You are the enemy”

TV star also told Belinda Crisp, who had asked for trail to be routed through his New Zealand estate, that she needed her “head cut off and brain replaced”

TV star Noel Edmonds told the developer of a cycle trail close to his home in New Zealand “you are the enemy” in a bizarre rant unleashed earlier this year during a meeting on his estate there.

According to Stuff.co.nz, Edmonds owns property worth a total of NZ$30 million in and around the village Ngātīmoti in the Motueka Valley, close to Tasman Bay at the northern end of South Island.

The news website’s journalists Tony Wall and Amy Ridout have been investigating Edmonds’ property purchases which have attracted some local opposition since he moved there last year.

In August, Belinda Crisp, who manages the Nelson Tasman Cycle Trail Trust, visited Edmonds’ River Haven estate to meet the former Saturday Swap Shop and Noel’s House Party host at his café there.

Tasman District Council and the New Zealand Government have given the go-ahead for the trust to develop a cycle trail along the Moteuka Valley Highway as part of the Great Taste Trail, although the project has met with delays including due to the coronavirus pandemic.

Crisp had hoped that Edmonds would allow part of the trail to pass through land he owns rather than being alongside the highway. Her proposal did not exactly get the response she might have hoped for.

“I turned up with a contractor, expecting to have a conversation about practicalities of the project, go for a wander, see how we could make it work for everyone,” she said.

Asking Crisp who she worked for, she replied that the trust she is employed by acts as a contractor to the council – something that clearly raised hackles for Edmonds, who has something of a history of run-ins with local government officials in the UK.

“When he heard that, he said, ‘you’re the servant and I’m the ratepayer, so I’m the master’,” she revealed.

“He started saying how dangerous [the cycle trail] was, there had been no consultation with the community, the entire community was up in arms,” she says.

“He accused us of wasting ratepayer money when businesses in Motueka are going under. I tried to stop the conversation.

“I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. He stood up and pointed at us both, ‘you two need your heads cut off and your brains replaced’.”

Cyclists who had stopped at the café for refreshment began to leave the venue as Edmonds’ tirade unfolded, according to Crisp.

Stuff.co.nz said it had secured a recording of part of the conversation, with Edmonds telling Crisp and the contractor who was with her: “All hell’s gonna break loose, right. And while you, still, have this attitude you are not welcome here.

“Don't even think about having a coffee, having a slice … you are our enemies.”

Raising his voice, he continued: “You are our enemies. You have to be defeated otherwise you’re gonna bring down this wonderful country.

“Yes you are, because you’re so proud. Anyway, good luck with it. As we say in Britain, ‘on yer bike’.”

Crisp, who was told by Edmonds that she was no longer welcome on his property, said: “I was shaking afterwards, it was unpleasant.”

For his part, Edmonds told the website: “She has been very difficult in the way in which she’s pursuing her particular role. She has set herself against people who pay their taxes.

“The picture is of economic decline and people just a few Ks from here are struggling to feed their families with nutritious food.

“In that context, I totally side with Kiwis who think that spending taxpayers’ money, millions of it, on a cycle path is possibly an inappropriate use of public funds.”

In the wake of the meeting, the trust has abandoned attempts to negotiate with Edmonds and the trail will not now go through his property, and instead is being constructed alongside the public highway.

It is reported that Edmonds was involved in what he said in an email extending invitations was an “emergency” public meeting for the River Haven community, and which was attended by well-known conspiracy theory-promoting politicians as well as anti-vaxxers.

Attendees backed a proposal that the local council should return money pledged for cycling projects, and the issue of 15-minute cities was also raised – something that Edmonds, claimed would be “would be “the end of this place [River Haven], because no-one would be able to get here.”

Edmonds, it appears, shares the common misconception that such proposals, which are aimed at ensuring that people have essential services such as healthcare, education and shops within a 15-minute walk of where they live, instead means that they are not allowed to travel further than that from their homes.

> Why are 15-minute cities attracting so many conspiracy theories? 

One issue from the other side of the world was also discussed at the meeting – specifically, the London Congestion Charge, which one woman claimed impeded people from using their cars.

Edmonds insists that instead of building cycleways, the local council should be supporting local businesses such as his, which he says employs 30 people, saying that those jobs “didn’t exist until we came to Ngātīmoti.”

He claimed though that his investment in the area was at risk due to “these public servants who forget who pays their wages. I don’t use the word ‘servant’ in a derogatory way, but in a democracy, that’s what they are.”

According to Edmonds, his business venture is “costing me a fortune,” and that if it continues to lose money a year from now, he may need to reconsider whether it is worth continuing to invest in it.

But in response to questions from the reporters at Stuff.co.nz, he likened them, as well as the cycle trail manager, to officials in Germany under the Third Reich.

“Please don’t tell me you’re just doing your job because that’s what Belinda [Crisp] said and that’s what the Nazis said.

“You can judge me how you want, I’m very comfortable, at nearly 75, with the person I am, the place that I’ve found and the way I conduct myself,” Edmonds added.

Edmonds has actually promoted cycling in the dim and distant past, starring in a TV ad for the iconic British bike brand Raleigh back in 1978.

In the advert, he cheerily tells every other cyclist, young and old, that he comes across – all riding bikes from the brand, of course – “I’ve got a new Raleigh,” the spot including an appearance from two-time Tour de France stage winner Cees Priem of the Ti Raleigh team, who gives the deadpan reply, “I ride Raleigh for a living.”

 

Simon joined road.cc as news editor in 2009 and is now the site’s community editor, acting as a link between the team producing the content and our readers. A law and languages graduate, published translator and former retail analyst, he has reported on issues as diverse as cycling-related court cases, anti-doping investigations, the latest developments in the bike industry and the sport’s biggest races. Now back in London full-time after 15 years living in Oxford and Cambridge, he loves cycling along the Thames but misses having his former riding buddy, Elodie the miniature schnauzer, in the basket in front of him.

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41 comments

Avatar
matthewn5 | 3 months ago
1 like

What a repulsive little sh|t he sounds like.

I bet the Kiwis really love all these foreign millionaires coming down buying up their country and throwing their weight around.

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brooksby | 3 months ago
0 likes

This has been picked up by the Grauniad now.

‘You are our enemies’: Noel Edmonds in spat with council after move to New Zealand

Entertainer has reportedly bought up 12 properties in rural Ngātīmoti and objected to a cycle trail proposal

https://www.theguardian.com/world/2023/nov/03/noel-edmonds-spat-with-cou...

 

Avatar
hawkinspeter replied to brooksby | 3 months ago
2 likes
brooksby wrote:

This has been picked up by the Grauniad now.

‘You are our enemies’: Noel Edmonds in spat with council after move to New Zealand

Entertainer has reportedly bought up 12 properties in rural Ngātīmoti and objected to a cycle trail proposal

https://www.theguardian.com/world/2023/nov/03/noel-edmonds-spat-with-cou...

Quote:

One is Edmonds’ River Haven estate, which contains a cafe, pub and vineyard and regularly holds events for car enthusiasts as well as the occasional fundraiser, including for the local school.

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Dr Madvibe | 3 months ago
1 like

Did he swap brains with Mr Blobby?

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polainm | 3 months ago
1 like

Nothing new here; media celeb with ego the size of a blimp foams at mouth about cycling scum and wants them decapitated/jailed/rammed off the road/taxed/fined/hung drawn & quartered because they don't fit said celeb's expert view of the world through a windscreen. 

No need to determine if they are utter idiots, they are excellent at broadcasting this fact. Move along, read news about something that matters. 

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Bikebeer77 | 3 months ago
1 like

I can remember in the 70"s possibly early 80's Edmunds seemed like a nice genuine bloke. Don't know whether it was when he started doing the Xmas morning kids hospital "show" that he started to think he was something else. Something a little "more". Obviously imbibing from the same vessel as Uri Geller/David Icke. Total fruitloop. I expect a certain P Schofield to be joining the gang someday soon.

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ktache replied to Bikebeer77 | 3 months ago
2 likes

How he managed to recover after the bungee death I will never know...

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KJay | 3 months ago
0 likes

I thought he was dead....I guess there's still hope...

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quadtodd | 3 months ago
0 likes

Never heard of him (I'm in U.S.) but have an idea what he is, when he accuses others of being Nazis.

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Rendel Harris replied to quadtodd | 3 months ago
3 likes
quadtodd wrote:

Never heard of him

Count your blessings!

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Bfg | 3 months ago
1 like

Edmonds always was a strange tosspot, I feel sorry that he is now New Zealand's problem but also glad he's not over here. He and Mr Blobby are probably over there to avoid Operation Yewtree 🤨

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davecochrane replied to Bfg | 3 months ago
1 like

We don't want him. 

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belugabob | 3 months ago
4 likes

Grey hair geezer, with a beard, in New Zealand...

"You shall not pass..."

Seriously, though, does he not realise that cyclists would probably consume more coffee and cake than any other category of customers, and the impending boycott, that's likely to happen, will probably ensure that his business fails - along with the local jobs that he has shown such fake concern for.

I apologise to New Zealand, on behalf of the UK, for his presence

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Bill H | 3 months ago
12 likes

The same idiot who drove an old taxi around Bristol solely in the hope that he could use the bus lanes without getting fined. 
 

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muhasib | 3 months ago
1 like

I'm curious why this is in the 'Crime & Legal' section? Do road.cc think 'Minority Report' was a documentary?

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hawkinspeter replied to muhasib | 3 months ago
4 likes
muhasib wrote:

I'm curious why this is in the 'Crime & Legal' section? Do road.cc think 'Minority Report' was a documentary?

Threatening people with decapitation is a crime

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muhasib replied to hawkinspeter | 3 months ago
0 likes

Is that actually what he said, based on the text of the report though?

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hawkinspeter replied to muhasib | 3 months ago
3 likes
muhasib wrote:

Is that actually what he said, based on the text of the report though?

“I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. He stood up and pointed at us both, ‘you two need your heads cut off and your brains replaced’.”

That's what Belinda Crisp reported hearing

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chrisonabike replied to hawkinspeter | 3 months ago
4 likes
hawkinspeter wrote:
muhasib wrote:

I'm curious why this is in the 'Crime & Legal' section? Do road.cc think 'Minority Report' was a documentary?

Threatening people with decapitation is a crime

No, it's just bantz, says Matthew Parris, or Rod Lidl...

Avatar
Legin | 3 months ago
13 likes

Even before I got involved with cycling I thought he was a rancid little turd. He doesn't dissapoint.

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sykoor | 3 months ago
0 likes

I think it's been lost

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dreamlx10 | 3 months ago
10 likes

Well what a surprise Noel Edmonds is a w@nker !

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hawkinspeter | 3 months ago
2 likes

I'm surprised he didn't want to "Hang ‘Em High"

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OldRidgeback | 3 months ago
6 likes

It sounds like he's lost it, assuming he had it in the first place.

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Cugel replied to OldRidgeback | 3 months ago
1 like
OldRidgeback wrote:

It sounds like he's lost it, assuming he had it in the first place.

What is the "it" that may have been had then lost, though?

It's a little-realised fact that the Emonds was first constructed as a sort of animated gonk, in 1962, for use in an update of children's TV characters of the BBC. Andy Pandy was too nice and the Flowerpot Men had become far too difficult for more modern children to understand as their consumption of too many flying saucers and rhubarb rock had caused widespread short-little attention spans, so deciphering Flowerpot gabble became a lost skill.

But I digress.

Somehow the Edmonds gonk got loose from the studios and acquired a life of its own.  The once-a-gonk became ..... something else; but with many gonk-like aspects remaining, especially the reduction of all matters to a childish tale of baddies and goodies, in which the gonk is always the goody.

Mind, it may all be a PR stunt in an effort to get a part in the next Fantastic Beasts filum - the irrascible gonk that assaults cyclists from the lower depths of dark hedges at gloaming, when the tired peddlers are in the early stages of the bonk after a long day out.

 

Avatar
ubercurmudgeon | 3 months ago
12 likes
Quote:

He claimed though that his investment in the area was at risk due to “these public servants who forget who pays their wages. [...] According to Edmonds, his business venture is “costing me a fortune,” and that if it continues to lose money a year from now, he may need to reconsider whether it is worth continuing to invest in it.

Let me guess, he has now been there long enough to have converted his temporary visa into permanent residency status, so no longer needs to prove his committment to New Zealand through investment in a business, and maybe is beginning to regret doing so by "employing 30 people". No, it couldn't possibly be that, no business has ever failed because its heroic entrepreneur miscalculated, it is always because of evil socialists and greenies building bike paths.

Quote:

You’re the servant and I’m the ratepayer, so I’m the master

Who uses the word "master", in this century, outside of certain specific engineering contexts? The best possible interpretation is that he stopped himself mid-word, because he realized he was about to admit to being the synonym for wanker, in a rare moment of self-awareness.

Avatar
eburtthebike | 3 months ago
19 likes

Can I be the first to thank NZ for taking our talentless old tv "stars".

Raising his voice, he continued: “You are our enemies. You have to be defeated otherwise you’re gonna bring down this wonderful country.

Seriously deluded, possibly suffering from some kind of persecution complex: should seek medical help.

Avatar
Rendel Harris replied to eburtthebike | 3 months ago
9 likes
eburtthebike wrote:

Can I be the first to thank NZ for taking our talentless old tv "stars".

Unfortunately they have sent in the other direction Sir Paul Beresford, Aidan Burley and Joy Richardson (all Tory MPs) and the execrable Dan Wootton, so it's not all one-way traffic.

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brooksby replied to eburtthebike | 3 months ago
4 likes
eburtthebike wrote:

Can I be the first to thank NZ for taking our talentless old tv "stars".

Raising his voice, he continued: “You are our enemies. You have to be defeated otherwise you’re gonna bring down this wonderful country.

Isn't NZ one of those places that billionaires go to set up safe havens away from the rest of the world, on the argument that it's least likely to get nuked or fall to the zombie apolcalypse...?

Avatar
eburtthebike replied to brooksby | 3 months ago
2 likes
brooksby wrote:

......on the argument that it's least likely to get nuked or fall to the zombie apolcalypse...?

Might be a bit to late to avoid the zombies, or that one at least.

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