It’s less than 24 hours until the 109th edition of the Tour de France begins in Copenhagen, and as every year, excitement is building among fans and anyone involved in cycling – and we in the road.cc office are no exception.
Which got us thinking – tongue firmly in cheek – about some of those things on our own rides that might take on an extra dimension as the big race approaches, and we’d love to hear your ones in the comments too.
So, without further ado, You know when the Tour de France is about to start when …
… You’ve bagged a KOM or QOM on the way home, so dig out your polkadot jersey for the next morning’s commute
… You grab a shopping bag off someone at the bus stop, stick the strap round your head and chuck out the things you don’t fancy, then stuff what remains into your jersey pockets
… You cross your fingers that on your flat run home, that puncture or mechanical happened within 3km of where you live so it won’t affect your time on Strava
… You wait until that slight uphill drag before overtaking the slower cyclist ahead of you just to show you have better legs
… You pop out in the car a couple of hours before your bike ride and throw sweets and plastic tat at anyone you see by the roadside
… You’ve ridden your bike for 20 days in a little over three weeks, so you start the ride on the 21st day with a glass of Champagne while high-fiving the driver who is giving you a close pass
… You check over your shoulder as you approach the traffic lights you know full well are about to change, zip up your jersey and coast through as they change to green while punching the air with one hand and pointing at your chest with the other
… You try and work out the time gap on the chalkboard and realise you are actually looking at the telephone number of the local pizza delivery place on the moped just ahead of you
… You pass a bunch of guys dressed in orange hi-viz who are doing roadworks at a bend in the road and imagine yourself passing Dutch Corner on the Alpe d’Huez
… You decide to take every Monday in July off (and the last of those to nurse the Mother of all Hangovers)
… Your post-ride shower turns into an in-depth post-stage interview breaking down how you won (again)
… You time your last swig of water perfectly to chuck your empty bottle to the kid waiting at the bus stop
… You keep track of the positions of everyone in your group ride through each town sign, and award a green jersey to the ‘most consistent rider’ (or maybe a green tea at the café stop)
… Your partner waves a tablet computer at your bike before you head off on your commute – and if it's pedal assisted, you're getting the bus to work for the foreseeable
… You award yourself the daily combativity prize because your commute took you through High Street Kensington
… You upload your post-ride footage to Velon instead of your local police force
… You take flowers home to your partner but demand they hand them straight back to you, together with the magnum of Champagne in the fridge and a peck on the cheek ... after putting a clean shirt on you – over the one you rode home in
... You take your bike on the train on your way to work and pretend you're Maurice Garin at the 1904 Tour
… You take a different route home from usual and smash the KOM or QOM a local rider has proudly held for years
… You decide to take a holiday and post a social media comment apologising to your fellow commuters for letting them down but insisting that you have full faith in them to make it to the end of the week at the office without you
… You know ITV4’s advert schedule off by heart, including what is the worst thing you can do to a donkey.
Over to you in the comments ...
Simon joined road.cc as news editor in 2009 and is now the site’s community editor, acting as a link between the team producing the content and our readers. A law and languages graduate, published translator and former retail analyst, he has reported on issues as diverse as cycling-related court cases, anti-doping investigations, the latest developments in the bike industry and the sport’s biggest races. Now back in London full-time after 15 years living in Oxford and Cambridge, he loves cycling along the Thames but misses having his former riding buddy, Elodie the miniature schnauzer, in the basket in front of him.